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Birds Bees and Sweaty Palms

by Darkle

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1.
Adolescent love and loss. I've lived and learned the cost to curse the lines I've crossed. Holding onto hope that's not there. I'm steady and going nowhere. Always fucking trying. Lively while still dying, Indifferent emotions going through the motions. More time is time to grieve. To find a home and never leave. I'm finally tearing my heart off my sleeve. Gone out of sight but still on my mind.
2.
Matters of fact don't matter at all. Please let me go and watch me fall. Smoking weed to fill the hole between the gaps, what I want is what I lack. In between coughing fits and panic attacks, when I leave I won't come back. I'm a societal tumor, with bad sense of humor. (Forever no how could I ever forget?) Pity parties in stale Bacardi imposing tales upon tales of my suffering. You're not invited to feel sorry. (If all we are is what we know then we are defined by how we've grown) Knowing myself I know no one would love me. Knowing myself I know no one could.
3.
Tonight feels like I'm back in junior high. Feeling sorry for myself. Falling asleep listening to Hawthorne heights. Wishing I was anything but alive. You couldn't wake up our morning effort.
4.
Context High 02:35
Porn doesn't fill the hole in your chest. I know how fucked up you are by the smell of your breath. But who am I to say of what you'll do anyway to keep the sleepless nights and obsessions at bay. Regretful romance in a hollow heart that blew the second chance and after fell apart. I hope you forget me. Braving apocalyptic nice tries and waving goodbye to the good vibes. God, I hope you regret me. I'm going to die but I'm alright (wisdom in time) No I'll be fine. I'm basking and miserable so thanks for not asking. I'm gasping, the struggle's real and it's always happening.
5.
While ending the charade, dissolve and rot away. Shallow and early graves for the souls that jesus couldn't save. Mirror mirror on the wall why do I even try at all? Mirror mirror on the wall, a stranger's all I ever saw. Pulling out my hair as if nobody cared. Past my vacant stare, I'm not there. I've learned how you hate me now. I've learned how I hate me.
6.
I'm as lost as I have ever been. Trapped beneath my skin; drowning and pretend to swim. Fingers crossed for the smoke I'm holding in makes my young lungs spin. Polite suggestions from advancers, solid questions broken answers. Staying silent, still soft spoken. Coughing violent like I am broken. Confine what I can't control. I'm too much to console.
7.
From best friends to lovers; from lovers to strangers. The dead end recovers the burnouts endangered. Reclusive's exclusive, "my thoughts are intrusive". I don't know you anymore. Even though we have what we have had before. The going got rough, it's just the same sad stuff.
8.
Clonazejam! 03:41
Diminished and diluted, oversharing and poorly executed. Strutting strife though life with no one. Bullshit; I'm the only lonely one whose forgot how to have fun. From the shell of a ghost comatose but complacent. From the hole in this soul, I've dug from it's replacement. Watch ambition vanish into thin air, but were they even there? Or ever mine to share? Bring the shell of who you once were, forget their feigned concern, regret the world that turns. Lost from worlds in walls with birds, bees, and sweaty palms. Without a purpose it's worthless. I don't deserve this. I can't find the bright side as I'm always stuck inside. But I'll keep my eyes wide. Insomnia and dysphoria you won't leave me. Why won't you leave.

credits

released October 18, 2016

Mixed and Recorded by Aaron Follmer
At Swear Touch Records
Album art from Jobob
Album art layout by Art Slob
Album art editing from Jenna Bronson

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Darkle New Lenox, Illinois

Emo/math rock from the 'burbs.

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